Last Monday, I made my way up to Keystone to spend my day off work in the mountains. Of course, I tend to get into various conversations with people on the ski-lifts. One conversation somehow turned into a life-analyzing discussion with a woman who was actually quite encouraging to me. Another resulted in someone giving me a swig of whiskey from his flask (hey, why not) And then there was one conversation that I might be wishing hadn't happened. Everyone was talking about traveling for the holidays and where they are from and where they currently live. Coincidentally, three of the guys on the lift were from parts of Illinois, or near Illinois and were familiar with my hometown. One guy mentioned that he lives in Evergreen, this being the town I work in. I of course, being overly chatty, jumped right in to mention that I work there. I don't recall everything that was said, but when I was getting off the ski-lift, the Evergreen guy stopped me to ask my name and then in a tone that instantly made me feel as if I need to move another 1,000 miles away, he said that he will be seeing me around soon... I already told all my coworkers that if some guy comes in looking for me to make their own assessment of him and if they think its appropriate, to tell him I have a boyfriend/fiancee/husband, or that I don't work there anymore.
I'm really hoping he just doesn't ever show up.
My hours at work were low this week, so I accidentally picked up two shifts on Christmas Eve, resulting in me opening and closing at work, with a 1.75 hour break in the middle. This meant I would be opening with my manager, and closing with Calvin. Sounded good to me... it wasn't.
The first hour of work, my manager wanted to talk to me. It was awful. She pretty much told me that as long as we're at work, Calvin and I need to basically ignore each other because everyone else gets jealous because we are so close. Actually, the conversation wasn't too bad at first. She was pretty understanding about our "friendship" and basically seemed as if she just wanted to make sure I am aware of how other people at work are perceiving things so that I could avoid more people talking or getting uncomfortable. However, by the time Calvin got there, I was pretty tired, understandably, and wasn't in the greatest mood. At this point, I felt horribly uncomfortable around him, so long as our manager was still there. Calvin probably experienced me at my worst that day. I explained pretty quickly why I was in the mood I was in, and apologized numerous times towards the end of the night. He was incredibly understanding, especially when I started venting about how irritated I am by the never-ending drama and gossip about he and I. Nobody there even knows anything beyond the fact that we are good friends.
The best part of the night was when Calvin made a joke that had something to do with me in the bedroom, which somehow everyone at work, including one of our regular customers overheard me get pissy at him over, and him nearly yell that it was just a joke. The realization that everyone could hear us actually took some weight off of the tension of me getting pissed at him over it.
On Christmas day, I went with my roommate to his church. Strangely, numerous people there are from my hometown. It was almost surreal/twilight zone-feeling. For dinner that night, we went to a family's house of a man who just happens to be a videographer/director/producer who has won 11 emmys, among many other awards. We had some great conversations and I'm still hopeful that he will hook me up with a job one of these days. It made for a pretty fun Christmas, even though I didn't have any family to spend it with, which I had been in a Grinch of a mood about all week.
Today at work, it seemed like everyone was breaking out from the cabin fever that developed on Christmas. We were busy.
I'm finding I get more and more weirded out by unnecessary, unexplained, or unexpected eye-contact. Staring for any extended time, unless you are a guy I'm involved with, weirds me out. It seems I notice more and more customers making lingering eye-contact. Worst of all is winking. Who told any man that winking is a good think?!?! Two guys winked at me I was at work today. It really makes me want to ask the next person who winks at me why he just did that. It probably won't go over too well, but neither does winking in the first place.
To top off the trend of non-verbal communications and eye-contact, as Calvin was leaving work today and was saying goodbye to me he gave me the strangest look that left me feeling very concerned that something was wrong.
Is it a strange thing that I am terrified that he is going to fall for me?
...I don't want that to happen.
((my apologies for any jumbled non-sense. I am tired.))
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