non-verbal>verbal...but too much eye-contact too soon and your chances are gone.

When I moved out to Colorado, one of my doctor friends gave me all of her snowboard and all of her gear with it... among other things. She and her pharmacist husband were preparing for a 2-year move to Uganda, so I reaped the benefits of their downsizing. I had skied for years but had always wanted to learn to snowboard, so when you suddenly come into ownership of at least $600 worth of gear for free, why not give it a shot. I made the switch from ski to board pretty quickly and absolutely love it! 

Last Monday, I made my way up to Keystone to spend my day off work in the mountains. Of course, I tend to get into various conversations with people on the ski-lifts. One conversation somehow turned into a life-analyzing discussion with a woman who was actually quite encouraging to me. Another resulted in someone giving me a swig of whiskey from his flask (hey, why not) And then there was one conversation that I might be wishing hadn't happened. Everyone was talking about traveling for the holidays and where they are from and where they currently live. Coincidentally, three of the guys on the lift were from parts of Illinois, or near Illinois and were familiar with my hometown. One guy mentioned that he lives in Evergreen, this being the town I work in. I of course, being overly chatty, jumped right in to mention that I work there. I don't recall everything that was said, but when I was getting off the ski-lift, the Evergreen guy stopped me to ask my name and then in a tone that instantly made me feel as if I need to move another 1,000 miles away, he said that he will be seeing me around soon... I already told all my coworkers that if some guy comes in looking for me to make their own assessment of him and if they think its appropriate, to tell him I have a boyfriend/fiancee/husband, or that I don't work there anymore. 

I'm really hoping he just doesn't ever show up.

My hours at work were low this week, so I accidentally picked up two shifts on Christmas Eve, resulting in me opening and closing at work, with a 1.75 hour break in the middle. This meant I would be opening with my manager, and closing with Calvin. Sounded good to me... it wasn't.

The first hour of work, my manager wanted to talk to me. It was awful. She pretty much told me that as long as we're at work, Calvin and I need to basically ignore each other because everyone else gets jealous because we are so close. Actually, the conversation wasn't too bad at first. She was pretty understanding about our "friendship" and basically seemed as if she just wanted to make sure I am aware of how other people at work are perceiving things so that I could avoid more people talking or getting uncomfortable. However, by the time Calvin got there, I was pretty tired, understandably, and wasn't in the greatest mood. At this point, I felt horribly uncomfortable around him, so long as our manager was still there. Calvin probably experienced me at my worst that day. I explained pretty quickly why I was in the mood I was in, and apologized numerous times towards the end of the night. He was incredibly understanding, especially when I started venting about how irritated I am by the never-ending drama and gossip about he and I. Nobody there even knows anything beyond the fact that we are good friends.

The best part of the night was when Calvin made a joke that had something to do with me in the bedroom, which somehow everyone at work, including one of our regular customers overheard me get pissy at him over, and him nearly yell that it was just a joke. The realization that everyone could hear us actually took some weight off of the tension of me getting pissed at him over it.

On Christmas day, I went with my roommate to his church. Strangely, numerous people there are from my hometown. It was almost surreal/twilight zone-feeling. For dinner that night, we went to a family's house of a man who just happens to be a videographer/director/producer who has won 11 emmys, among many other awards. We had some great conversations and I'm still hopeful that he will hook me up with a job one of these days. It made for a pretty fun Christmas, even though I didn't have any family to spend it with, which I had been in a Grinch of a mood about all week.

Today at work, it seemed like everyone was breaking out from the cabin fever that developed on Christmas. We were busy.

I'm finding I get more and more weirded out by unnecessary, unexplained, or unexpected eye-contact. Staring for any extended time, unless you are a guy I'm involved with, weirds me out. It seems I notice more and more customers making lingering eye-contact. Worst of all is winking. Who told any man that winking is a good think?!?! Two guys winked at me I was at work today. It really makes me want to ask the next person who winks at me why he just did that. It probably won't go over too well, but neither does winking in the first place. 

To top off the trend of non-verbal communications and eye-contact, as Calvin was leaving work today and was saying goodbye to me he gave me the strangest look that left me feeling very concerned that something was wrong.

Is it a strange thing that I am terrified that he is going to fall for me? 

...I don't want that to happen.

((my apologies for any jumbled non-sense. I am tired.))

Just because its a VIP party doesn't mean it'll be good.

So much happens in a single week. I don't think I ever really realize this until I go to write a new post.
Last Sunday evening, as I was getting ready to go to bed, my roommate knocked on my door and asked if I wanted to go bowling and play laser tag with some of his coworkers... his military coworkers. Something about laser tag with military guys just seems unfair from the start. As soon as I told my roommate that bowling and laser tag sounded fun, he moaned and exclaimed that he was hoping I would give him a good excuse not to go. I usually don't want to do much of anything with my roommate too often, but hey, bowling and laser tag with some military guys sounded like fun, so I convinced him to go. Everyone put away nearly a full pitcher of beer, except my roommate, who had 2 glasses. At the end of the night, my roommate actually admitted to having a good time -- usually everything he does is awful and not fun at all, or he doesn't like the people he is with -- so, getting him to admit that the guys we were with weren't bad and that he enjoyed himself was a rare occurrence. Since that night, I don't know that I've seen my roommate much at all.
I woke up Thursday morning to a text from Calvin that he had sent around 2am when he apparently found one of my missing earrings. I knew they had to be there! I still haven't been given this earring, nor has he found the other.
Thursdays have been deemed "Thrift-store Thursdays". Thrift-stores in Denver are just excellent! The theme for the night was thrift-store formal. Oh, and as hideous as possible, of course! I was looking quite classy in a teal lace dress with some exquisite sequence details around the neck and bust of the dress, paired with a fabulous navy blue, glitter covered cardigan. The best dress of the night, however, looked like someone took a table cloth and sewed it into a moo-moo. It had some very nice hand embroidered parrots accompanied by some flowers on the front of it. All of our outfits were so wonderful that we made a random friend at the bar. His name was Allan and he was quite intoxicated, but he said he just had to know what we were doing. The night left us with some memorable quotes -- from Allan:: "It's not you, it's the dress", "We traded tables. We're doing a bar exchange program", "I'm homeless, by that I mean I'm not"
The next night resulted in making things more complicated with Calvin... I guess. I have to admit, it is very awkward when you're cuddling with someone with whom nothing has been clarified as to exactly what WE are, while the comedian on tv is doing a bit on relationships, just covering all ends of the spectrum. It especially gets awkward when Calvin suddenly squeezes my hang tighter during this. We'll venture down that road when its necessary. It is almost frightening to me how comfortable I am with him though. But, he will be moving soon, so how far can this really go, right? Lets not forget that he models and is moving to LA to do more of that. As I am most definitely not on par with models, I'm not expecting anything lasting.
Last night was a friend's birthday, so after closing at work, I went downtown to meet up with everyone at a club called "Jet". Its a fairly upscale club, and by that I mean you won't be let in if you don't meet the standards of dress. Along with being semi-upscale, the drinks were pricey. Fortunately, one of my friends was in an auction with one of the bartenders, so at least a few of us were getting drinks for half-price. Immediately after getting there we noticed that on the downstairs floor there was a VIP party. Of course, one of my friends decided his goal for the night was to get let in. At the top of the stairs was a bouncer with a guest-list who exclaimed that for $30 he would consider letting us in. After a few shots of patron (provided by a friend of a friend's friend... yeah...) the guy determined to get into the VIP party told one of the bouncers that he plays for the Denver Broncos and was pissed that they weren't letting us in -- his argument was much more hostile than that -- Apparently being 6'6" and rather built makes you a convincing/intimidating football player because it got us in. The night was actually pretty great until we got into the VIP party. It got pretty sketchy pretty quickly. It looked as if the theme for the party was trashy santa. Most of the girls were wearing santa themed lingerer. Someone claimed it was a swingers' party... Nothing really made it clear whether this was true or not though. It was around this point that a couple of the guys turned pretty douchey and I quickly... VERY QUICKLY decided I needed to leave. After about a half hour I was finally able to get someone to give me a ride. Lets just say it turned out to be a pretty terrible end to the night, and I'm going to leave it at that.

Complicated Situations and missing earrings.

I'm a pro at getting into complicated situations. For some reason, the other day a lot of old friends were randomly getting in touch with me and playing catch up. All is well with that of course, until one of these friends happens to be one that I have a history with. Catching up with him for more than a few hours was great, actually. Well, it was great until he started talking about how he needs to move out here so he doesn't have to be trying to figure out how to afford visiting. We went an entire year without talking until right before I was moving out here, when he told me he wanted to see me before I left. I never saw him though. Since playing catch up the other day, we've talked a little bit pretty casually. I'm just hoping the idea of moving out here was just a passing thought he only entertained that one time.
Since the night I stayed with Calvin, things have definitely been a little different between us, understandably. He has always confided in me about a lot and had already told me many personal things that he says he has only ever told  2 other people. Now, in the past week, he just keeps opening up more with me and is being sweeter than ever. Of course this is all great, however, while we were talking on facebook chat the other night, I happened to glance at the constant updating news feed bar and noticed something Calvin posted on one of his friend's walls. He mentioned that he is probably moving to LA (which I knew was a possibility) but the way he said it, along with a couple other things made me feel like it is pretty likely that he IS moving in January. After a day or two, I finally straight up asked him what the likelihood was that he will be moving, and I explained that I saw his fb comment. He still won't tell me that he IS. He just keeps saying "probably", "nothing is set yet", or "that has been the plan". I feel pretty certain that he is moving though. He will be out there the first week of January for some acting/modeling gigs, and then I guess we'll just see what happens after that. He has a great opportunity, so I am going to encourage him to go for it, however, I honestly don't want him to leave. He seems pretty torn about everything too. Going to LA has been a possible plan since before he even met me. His other option that he had been considering was staying here and going back to school to finish his psychology degree. I don't want to let him change his mind about LA all because of me, but I know the conversation is going to come up.
I know in my last post I said that Calvin and I are just really close friends. We aren't dealing with any titles and are just taking things for what they are. We are young and he is leaving, so there is no sense in trying to figure out what is going on or what we want. We're just enjoying what time we have while we're still together and having fun. So, yeah, its complicated, and for some reason, that's fine with me.
Nobody at work knows anything about us. If anyone did, that would just be terrible. However, everyone sees the way we are when we work together, and therefor, I'm pretty sure everyone has been making assumptions about us ever since 1 week after I got here. The other day, Calvin was approached by our manager. Supposedly some of our coworkers don't like working with the two of us together because we might happen to be just a bit overly flirty/playful/just having fun. The morning before the night I stayed with him, we may have made a couple of our coworkers irritated and uncomfortable because at more than one time we were just standing there hugging. It really is all dumb though. Everyone at least knows that we are close and see each other outside of work, but since when does anyone care about two people hugging?!?!
Oh, and about the missing earrings. I realized the day after I was at Calvin's house that I wasn't wearing any earrings. They aren't anywhere around my place or my car. I am certain I was wearing them because I specifically remember someone complimenting me on them. Calvin says he can't find them anywhere, but they have to be at his house. I'm starting to wonder if he is one of those cleptos that takes girls' earrings or something... that doesn't really seem to fit his personality. The only other possibility is that my cat took off with them, which is a likely possibility. I'm still convinced they are at his house though.

Its funny how moving away can change relationships in drastic ways. Its also funny how some guys seem to think that now that I'm gone, they can be more honest with me and tell me how they really feel... I still haven't figured out what they expect to result, seeing as I am 1,000 miles away with no intentions of moving back.
Shortly before moving here, I met a guy back home, Tim. We hung out a few times, and I suspected that he liked me, but it never came out. Since moving here, he has asked if he can move out here and live with me a few times, I get random texts from him going on about how much he misses me and wishes we had spent more time together, and well, the texts seem to continue to escalate.
The last time Tim told me that he keeps thinking about packing up and moving out here I semi-bluntly told him not to, which I thought helped the situation. Hadn't heard from him for a couple weeks. Then, the other night, I was woken up by a text at 2am... honestly, of all times to text someone you like, why, WHY do you think waking me up in the middle of the night is a good idea? While the texts are getting quite flattering, I can't help but wonder how long this is going to go on. I mean, how many times do I have to reject someone for him to give up.
On the subject of changing relationships, Calvin (the coworker rumored to be sleeping with me) and I just got more honest with each other. We worked together yesterday morning, and as usual, we were giving each other a hard time, which probably just looks like we flirt non-stop to our other coworkers... I guess we really do though. This particular day, Calvin was extra huggy, cuddley and touchy all through our shift. The most entertaining part was when one of our coworkers kept getting uncomfortable around us and he would just rush away saying "ohhh, this is uncomfortable, I'm just going to leave you two alone" which happened a few times. Later last night, Calvin and I were talking/arguing (in fun) on facebook, until he asked me to come over to his place... and to be right to the point, he asked me to come over specifically to cuddle. After some convincing, I did. And after sharing a bottle of whiskey, one thing led to another, and well, he and I are a lot closer now. Somewhere in the night, he admitted that he was pretty sure we both saw this coming for a while and that there has been sexual tension between us ever since we I moved here. I have to admit, I did see it coming for a while. I had to be to work at 4:30 this morning, so after about an hour and a half of sleep, I went straight from Calvin's house to work, realizing I was still slightly intoxicated, which finally went away around 7am. To top it all off, I was working directly with my manager today. I think I held myself very well, all things considered. The only uncomfortable part of the day was when Calvin's mom stopped by my work and all I couldn't help by think to myself --oh, I was just at your house... sleeping with your son-- hopefully she didn't realize I was there.
As for now, we're still just really REALLY good friends. Considering that there is a possibility that he will be moving to LA in January for work, its hard to say where things will go.

4 months of catch up...

Just shy of 4 months ago, I packed up as many of my belongings as I could fit into my suv and moved to Denver, Colorado. Upon arrival, I knew all of 2 people - my roommate and a friend in Boulder who I shared an apartment with for one summer, 3 years ago.
My roommate - an old acquaintance who shared some of the same friends as mine, 6 years ago. A lot changes about a person in 6 years; that goes for myself and my roommate. Lets call him Bob.
Boulder friend - you know, quite a bit changes in 3 years too. We'll call her Ann.

During my first week here, I quickly realized that my my roommate, Bob, is a clinger. He wanted to do everything with me... let me reiterate, EVERYTHING with me. Meanwhile, I'm exhausted from leaving everything I know to move 1,000 miles with a carsick cat, Jonah, to a new city, having 2 friends in town to visit me, and starting a new job (old job, new location). Lets not forget that I'm a bit of a loner; I like my ME time; there is a reason I am single and have been (errr, not in a committed relationship) for 4-ish years. --I expect this blog to show many other reasons why no man in his right mind would want to date me --  Simply stating "I'll be back later" only results in 20 questions until I finally say "I'm just going to go... by myself... and only myself..."
After a few weeks, he seemed to start to understand that sharing a house for cheaper rent does not mean sharing our entire lives.

Shortly after starting my new job, I managed to pick up some rumors. Its quite amusing what my life looks like based on the stories I hear about myself from other people. Based on rumors, I started sleeping with one of my coworkers within my first month here (we'll call that coworker Calvin). The girl who started these rumors (Pam) happens to live about 2 blocks from me, and as I was informed, she's a creeper. She becomes obsessed with people to the point of stalking them. She really seemed nice and fun at first... until we hung out once. It was like dealing with a jealous boyfriend, who was actually an obnoxious, pudgy, coworker. As soon as Pam found out that Calvin and I had gone out for drinks once or twice, she seemed to assume that anytime we were not at work, we were together. If she saw me holding my phone, she asked if I was texting Calvin. If I was leaving work, she'd ask if Calvin and I were doing something that night. When I would arrive at work, she would ask if he and I hung out and what we did.
At the peak of the rumors, Pam told me that she felt it was necessary that I know that another coworker says that Calvin likes me and that if he knows this, other coworkers probably have noticed too, in which case, she thinks Calvin and I should not be spending time together. In response to this, Calvin and I quickly made plans to hang out. It was probably the following week that a coworker informed me of the rumor that Calvin and I are sleeping together, which stemmed from Pam, who apparently is quite convinced of this.
It recently occurred to me that Pam may have come up with this idea about Calvin and I after I mentioned a night that he and I had a bit much to drink and after drawing pictures on the walls of the bar we were at (walls, bathroom mirrors, toilet seats- totally acceptable, I promise) we passed out in my suv for about an hour before driving home. I suppose that could be twisted into having sex?
To make the rumors even better, when I told Calvin that it was rumored that we were sleeping together, his immediate response is that he doesn't even care that people think that and if Pam asks him, he is going to affirm it. He then went on to mention how amazing his rumored sex life is... with me.
As you are probably wondering, Calvin and I are not sleeping together. We have hung out, gone out for drinks numerous times, gone walking around the lake and such, but none of the rumors about us are actually true. And as far as if he even likes me, as my coworkers think... well, he never denied it.
Really though, Calvin and I are great friends. I definitely can have fun with him in ways that I don't get with many people and I'm really glad I met him. Actually, I can't think of anyone who I have fun with in the same way that I have fun with Calvin.

It seems that since moving here, my tolerance for alcohol has decreased. That, or when I've been drinking, its been going down more quickly. I went downtown with my coworker, Melissa, once. We Started off at a show her boyfriend's band was playing, then after one beer decided to go downtown. We ended up at Denver Tavern, which does not have a 'tavern' feel at all. We ended up on the top floor, where there was a bar, a dance floor, sit down tables, as well as a lot of stand around tables. We were standing by a table for a short time before two rugby players came over to join us. I think their names were Kade (the more attractive one) and... I don't remember the other's name. I ended up having 6+ gin/tonics, oh, and one rum/coke (I actually paid for the rum/coke) Seems I have a way of loosing people when I'm drinking downtown. Melissa left me with the rugby boys so she could go to the bathroom, and somehow she couldn't find me for a while... we only moved about 10 feet. All I remember is that it was a lot of fun, and at the end of the night, Kade was asking how far my place was from down town as Melissa was reminding me that it was about time to be leaving. I left with Melissa.
Other nights of my low tolerance (or large consumption) have included the night of my work party, which was a night when Calvin and I decided to not only have a drink before the work party, but then to go on to another bar after the work party. At this bar, there might have been 5 other people in the whole place aside from us and the workers, oh and the guy singing and playing his guitar. Calvin and I went up to the floor with 3 pool tables, none of which had all the pool balls. We ended up playing 1.5 games of pool with an assortment of balls. I won the first game, and something distracted us partially through the second game, so we stopped playing, ended up carving our initials into the wall (only because EVERYONE else had done the same) and then we found a sharpie and started drawing pictures on the walls. Somehow we ended up in the men's bathroom and drew pictures there, and then in the women's bathroom too... as well as on the toilet seats. Why no pictures were taken, I have no idea... oh, probably because we were drunk and having fun. I'm certain we scared the crap out of one of the bartenders when we both came out of the bathroom together, as he didn't think anyone was still in the bar.
And then there was Halloween. For Halloween, I ended up at a costume party with a bunch of friends from church (they know how to drink and like to drink). I wound up playing a few rounds of beer-pong which turned into jager-pong, and the night gets a little fuzzy after that. I just know photos ended up online before I even got home from that night, and ever since, I've had people telling me how cute I am when I'm drunk...

and now into November - not much happened in November that really seems worth noting.
There was one night that two friends (Kate and Evan) and I were leaving a friend's apartment and we ended up playing twister in the elevator. It was too perfect. The twister mat fit perfectly in the elevator! We were joined by a couple of drunk guys who lost very quickly... and then we were joined by a cop who told us to leave.
Oh, and there was thanksgiving. I ended up spending thanksgiving with a couple friends from home who moved out here shortly after I did. For thanksgiving dinner, we had Mediterranean food, then went back to their place and had a few drinks and smoked a bit... GREAT thanksgiving.

I'm quite certain there is A LOT left out, but also all would have been much better told had I started this 4 months ago... from here out, posts will be better!