Job searching has got to be one of my least favorite things to do. I took a pre-interview aptitude test the other day, which they said would require about two weeks of processing before they would begin scheduling interviews *crossing fingers* I feel like I have to keep telling myself that I do like my current job and that I do like my coworkers just to keep myself going. Today, telling myself didn't work though. Having to close every Friday and Saturday night is just getting old. I'm 25 years-old and can't even go out on a weekend. As soon as I got to work today, my manager started "coaching" me about things that just don't matter. I requested a weekend off an entire month in advance, only for my manager to react as if I am causing her job to be so much more stressful. Then, I asked a coworker to trade 1 shift with me, so I could go out of town, and she simply said, "I like having Saturdays off, so, no". Honestly, next time she asks me to cover a shift of hers I'm just going to give her the exact same response "I don't really want to, so, no". It didn't help anything that I was going off of 3 hours of sleep, as a result of staying up nearly all night with Ryan.
One week after everything fell apart with the job I thought I was taking, Ryan and I spent the entire day together. We began by going hiking first thing in the morning, then went out for lunch/tea and just hung out reading for a few hours, which was followed by watching a couple movies and just hanging out until 2am. At some point in the night, he asked if he could take me out on a date. I am finding that the more I spend time with him is only increasing my desire to spend even more time with him. Fortunately, he lives in my complex, about 100 yards away, so we see each other almost everyday. As of now, we have been dating a few weeks, or at least that is what we tell people. It took my roommate a couple weeks before he finally just straight up asked if we were dating. I'm sure he wondered where I had been so many nights that I didn't come home until early morning hours, if at all.
It is so much fun whenever friends of ours find out that we're dating. Everyone is so excited, or exclaims that Ryan and I are without a doubt their favorite couple. ...couple, I haven't used that term in reference to myself in so long. I like it, but its all so strange still. I have never had someone be so into me. Some nights we'll be laying there and he'll just stare at me for what feels like hours. He seems as if he has no reservations with me. Last night, he just kept asking me questions about anything and everything.
The night after our first "official date" he asked me if we could define "us" to be dating. He also exclaimed that he doesn't date casually, nor does he ever date more than one girl. The other night, after he took me on a night-hike date, he actually referred to himself as my boyfriend. I don't feel like this is moving too fast or anything, but for some reason I'm still not quite fully in. I think its just the fear of getting hurt again. He seems to like me so much, but I'm just not used to this. It feels hard for me to really believe he likes me, just because no guy has ever been like this with me before. I'm not used to someone wanting to know what I do all day and wanting to introduce me to old friends of his and take me out on dates and go on walks, or just hang out at home watching movies or talking all night long. I feel like he is going to know that I'm not all in and that it is going to cause problems between us. I'm so used to being single, and honestly, being completely selfish, its like I don't know how to do this.
The fact that he isn't someone I was all "crushing on" immediately after meeting is very different too. I definitely thought he was attractive and had a slight crush on him initially, but I didn't really know him, and never noticed any extra attention or anything from him until a couple months ago. However, through all that I was quite distracted by Calvin as well. Maybe it is better that I wasn't ridiculously caught up in him right away. It wasn't until I really started getting to know him.
I guess only time will tell all things.
oh, and just for you, Nick - Ryan's first/middle names are the same as your middle/last names.
Friday, April 27, 2012
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Positive attitudes.
When I was down to 4 shifts remaining at the coffee shop, everything fell apart.
Remember that neighbor of mine? The one who I said I'm not interested in who keeps texting me? Well, now we talk nearly every day. If I don't see him, then he is texting me all day. Usually starting around noon, and lasting until one of us is going to bed. I'm starting to think I might actually like him, as we've been spending more time together and really getting to know each other.
One night, when he was texting me while he was working late, doing a system update, the strangest things happened. Around 1am, he suddenly stopped texting me, just in time for Calvin to start texting me. He exclaimed that he misses me and can't get me out of his head and that for some reason he is more caught up on me than he has ever been with a girl. I told him that I miss him, and when he kept going with his feelings, I just got really blunt with him. I didn't tell him how I feel at all. I simply pointed out that he never seemed sure of what he wanted. Everything went down between us, then suddenly he was focused on moving away and we were quickly behaving as if we weren't even friends at all. He didn't respond to any of my comments until the next day. Conveniently, as I was walking into the office of what was supposed to be my new job, Calvin texted me.
Everything he said had me so thrown off and out of it. I honestly didn't expect to really hear from him at all once he had moved away. I especially didn't expect him to be so caught up on me. When I went into the office, I understood that I was going in to meet a couple of different managers than who had interviewed me and offered me a job, because I was going to be put on a different team than what was originally planned. As soon as I got inside, I was informed that I was there for an interview. I typically interview beautifully. Not this morning. It went awful. I left the office, using all my effort to hold back tears until I got to my car. Suddenly I realized that in 4 days, I would be done at the coffee shop and had no idea if I had a job at all. On top of it all, I wished Calvin was here just so I could punch him or something. None of this was his fault, but it just felt like so much went wrong all at once.
I immediately went into work to talk to my manager. Unfortunately, the conversation had barely begun and I was already bursting into tears. She reassured me that I do have a job still, and that everything would be alright. While that was certainly comforting, I had spent the prior week and a half letting myself sulk in the mindset that I was never going to have to work there again. No more dress code. No more early mornings or late nights. No more customer service. No more coworkers who are in their late 30's/40's behaving like 14 year-olds. No more reminders of everything with Calvin.
I found myself insecure about the fact that I'm still working at the coffee shop. For some reason I was worried that my neighbor, Ryan, would think less of me or something.
That night, I had to close at work. Through my entire shift, Ryan and I were texting. I explained everything to him and he asked if I wanted to come over after work. I went to his house, shared a bottle of wine, and watched into the wild, which we actually talked through about half of the movie. It was during this night that I realized that I might actually like him. I always thought he was attractive, but something just wasn't there. I'm still not certain about how I feel about him. I like talking to him and hanging out with him a lot. I'm also realizing that the thought of a relationship really does terrify me a bit. I guess I'll just have to let things play out and see what happens.
So, now I'm back to job searching. I really am trying to keep a positive attitude about everything. I can't deny that its difficult at times though. I keep reminding myself that this job really was simply something to get me out of the coffee shop. It wasn't a job I was thrilled about. It wasn't even going to pay much more than what I make when I factor in my tips. Also, it is better that things fell through now, rather than me getting in there and then realizing that the people in the office were a little wish-washy.
Remember that neighbor of mine? The one who I said I'm not interested in who keeps texting me? Well, now we talk nearly every day. If I don't see him, then he is texting me all day. Usually starting around noon, and lasting until one of us is going to bed. I'm starting to think I might actually like him, as we've been spending more time together and really getting to know each other.
One night, when he was texting me while he was working late, doing a system update, the strangest things happened. Around 1am, he suddenly stopped texting me, just in time for Calvin to start texting me. He exclaimed that he misses me and can't get me out of his head and that for some reason he is more caught up on me than he has ever been with a girl. I told him that I miss him, and when he kept going with his feelings, I just got really blunt with him. I didn't tell him how I feel at all. I simply pointed out that he never seemed sure of what he wanted. Everything went down between us, then suddenly he was focused on moving away and we were quickly behaving as if we weren't even friends at all. He didn't respond to any of my comments until the next day. Conveniently, as I was walking into the office of what was supposed to be my new job, Calvin texted me.
Everything he said had me so thrown off and out of it. I honestly didn't expect to really hear from him at all once he had moved away. I especially didn't expect him to be so caught up on me. When I went into the office, I understood that I was going in to meet a couple of different managers than who had interviewed me and offered me a job, because I was going to be put on a different team than what was originally planned. As soon as I got inside, I was informed that I was there for an interview. I typically interview beautifully. Not this morning. It went awful. I left the office, using all my effort to hold back tears until I got to my car. Suddenly I realized that in 4 days, I would be done at the coffee shop and had no idea if I had a job at all. On top of it all, I wished Calvin was here just so I could punch him or something. None of this was his fault, but it just felt like so much went wrong all at once.
I immediately went into work to talk to my manager. Unfortunately, the conversation had barely begun and I was already bursting into tears. She reassured me that I do have a job still, and that everything would be alright. While that was certainly comforting, I had spent the prior week and a half letting myself sulk in the mindset that I was never going to have to work there again. No more dress code. No more early mornings or late nights. No more customer service. No more coworkers who are in their late 30's/40's behaving like 14 year-olds. No more reminders of everything with Calvin.
I found myself insecure about the fact that I'm still working at the coffee shop. For some reason I was worried that my neighbor, Ryan, would think less of me or something.
That night, I had to close at work. Through my entire shift, Ryan and I were texting. I explained everything to him and he asked if I wanted to come over after work. I went to his house, shared a bottle of wine, and watched into the wild, which we actually talked through about half of the movie. It was during this night that I realized that I might actually like him. I always thought he was attractive, but something just wasn't there. I'm still not certain about how I feel about him. I like talking to him and hanging out with him a lot. I'm also realizing that the thought of a relationship really does terrify me a bit. I guess I'll just have to let things play out and see what happens.
So, now I'm back to job searching. I really am trying to keep a positive attitude about everything. I can't deny that its difficult at times though. I keep reminding myself that this job really was simply something to get me out of the coffee shop. It wasn't a job I was thrilled about. It wasn't even going to pay much more than what I make when I factor in my tips. Also, it is better that things fell through now, rather than me getting in there and then realizing that the people in the office were a little wish-washy.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)