Things have been going along quite nicely with Ryan. He has been taking me out on dates every week. Spending lots of time together just having fun. Discussing life, ideals, dreams, beliefs, etc, etc. Of course the seemingly perfect times never last long before something drops in the way as though a boulder was just hurled off the edge of a cliff to land perfectly in your way with no was around but to either climb over together, or separate and hope you both make it around to rejoin at the other side.
Just a couple days ago, I received a phone call from an old friend from my college days in Missouri. Perhaps I should clarify, this old friend was a bit more than just an old friend. He happened to be an old friend whom I was quite caught up in for much longer than I would like to admit. The last time he and I saw each other was nearly two years ago, on a night that ended with much alcohol and me telling him that I have had feelings for him for quite sometime. He never gave me any response to my confession of feelings, other than that he had suspected that. He said we would talk about it, but never did, which is actually quite unlike him. He is not someone to leave things open. In this case, however, it was left open. Since then, we have occasionally talked on the phone, catching up for hours and exclaiming that we must not let it be so long before we talk again, but of course, it always is many many months before we do talk again.
This phone call I received, however, was not simply to catch up. He called to tell me he would be at my house in three days. He said he made the decision that morning and convinced his brother and two best friends to come along, with intentions of taking me with them backpacking for the week. Of course, there is no way I can get the time off work on such short notice. When he finally let up on attempts at convincing me to find a way, he decided to settle for staying at my house the night they get into town, as well as the night before they leave town.
I can't even begin to explain all the conflicting emotions that came flooding into my mind.
After talking to a friend about my predicament, she assured me that it is likely that I will have feelings for him still, but it will really only be the nostalgia of what we were in the past. Finding myself more calm about the situation, yet still incredibly excited for him to be here, I decided to mention to him that I have a boyfriend who I would like him to be able to meet.
Everything with Ryan has honestly been wonderful and more than I ever expected, until today.
The day was going quite well, I thought. We went to a graduation/going away party for a friend who just graduated and was hired by Google. Yes, hired by Google 2 weeks before graduation. Following this, we went mountain biking, then got coffee. It was a great day. When we got back to my place, he said he was going to shower and get some things done, but that he wanted to hang out or do something tonight and told me to let him know if I came up with any ideas for the night, otherwise he would get ahold of me when he was done with things around his place.
About an hour and a half later, I texted him about a place that we had been talking about going to. A few minutes later, he called me and mentioned a few friends who had asked us to hang out, which he had already told me about for a possibility for the night. He then told me that he wanted to go with them, and that he wanted it to be just him going and asked if I would not come.
How do you un-invite your girlfriend on a saturday night?
He says he has an explanation and that we will talk about it tomorrow. Meanwhile, he is going out to have a good time, while I am waiting for his explanation? How considerate!
Oh, and how convenient that tomorrow the guy who had all my attention for three years is coming to town to stay with me.
You can't tell a girl you have an explanation but she has to wait a whole night to hear it while you go out and have fun at an outing you specifically asked her not to come to.
Tomorrow holds the possibility for so many different outcomes.
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